Friend in the similar situation

An old friend called me today. It's been years we have not kept in touch but she called today. She had problem with her boyfriend.

She was crying and didn't know where to turn to. It's just a perfect time that I myself have some problems too. I didn't tell her my story but only listened to hers. Tried to console her and knew exactly how she felt. People around here told her to break up with the guy but I suggested the opposite. I know it won't help her to suggest such option. I know she won't be able to break up with him. She had talked to some friends. Now she called me. So I think she's looking for someone who can be on her side. I know what she wanted to do, to work things out with the guy, even though he is such an asshole.

Love makes people blind and live in denial. It's useless to tell her to get him out of her life. She wants to work things out so let her do it. Then one day, if things can't be better, she will decide to get out on her own.

It is always hard for woman to admit that all guys are the same and we have to live with that fact if we can't let go. Someday women will learn how to live without guys. If the guy can't improve themselves, it will, someday, become the end of human race. We, women, are learning to live by ourselves. We are evolving while guys focus only on their desires.

They say good guys exist but I think it's just their hopes. So sad.

What do we learn from this? There are many good qualities in guys but each guy possesses only one of them. If you can find many good qualities in a guy, probably, he is a girl.

Recovery, no progress

Each morning when I wake up, I still feel so depressed. Can't help thinking about him. The idea of not having him in my life is still so painful.

Sometimes, I have to prevent myself from thinking of him but then I think it just postpones the pain or I am just fooling myself that I don't feel anything. I've been telling myself not to think but is it really a good way?

It's getting harder each day. I think I am going to cry again soon.

Recovery 1

Sometimes, I think I want to send him an e-mail letting him know that I will be gone for a while... to heal my heart. But then I think, he might not be interested in knowing what I have to go through or how I am doing. My e-mail will just annoy him and probably make him uncomfortable. Besides, he's having someone else. I should let him be happy with her.

I remember the time when I refused a guy, I never had any thought of and care for that guy after that. I don't believe in karma but I start to think what I had done is getting right back to me. Or... maybe not, we're just two people who didn't share the same feelings. I did what I had to do so now he did what he had to do. No need to ask questions. The answers might be just the excuses, or lies which attempted to comfort us but in vain.

I am still luckier than some people. I heard a story from a colleague today about a young couple, newly wedded in US. They spent a happy time together for a year there. They planned to get married again in Thailand. Everything seemed to be perfect and went on smoothly but then they had a car accident. Only the girl survived. The wedding had became a funeral. It's such a heart breaking story. I cannot imagine how the girl would continue her life. How could she survive the pain of losing someone she's deeply in love with?

I have heard a lot of tragic love stories. I cannot imagine how anyone could get through this kind of things. What I have experienced now consider to be less than a fraction of what they had been through. At least, he's living happily with the girl he loves. At least, there're two, out of three people, who are very happy.

I won't spend too much time in grief. I consider myself to be lucky, to experience another happiest moment in my life, to feel the care, to give love, to care for someone, to give all my trust. He's very special to me and I will keep this memory with me always.

Obsessed

Wake up this morning, it's still the first thing I think about. Feel so terrible and painful to realize that things have changed, or worse, haven't even existed.

Remember when people say they feel like there is a big hole in the heart, feel like something is missing, feel the emptiness, don't know how to live wihtout him, what to do without him, those kind of feelings. I am experiencing them all.

Start to see I have so many free time and those times are used to think about him only. That needs to be changed. I need to go out more with other people, to keep me away from being alone, to occupy my mind with something else.

This pain must go away. Hope it does very soon.

Happy New Year 2007

I cannot think of the new year resolution. I guess I am pleased with my life. Not that I have everything but I am happy with all the things I have. Or maybe I am just lazy and nothing interests me.