Met same old friend,
went to same place for a movie,
had dinner at the same restaurant,
ordered the same food.

I am one person with one friend,
and completely different with another.

Who am I really?
Do I like japanese food, action movie, and travelling?
Or it's them.

Should I ignore them all and do whatever please me?
But have to do it alone...
Why am I so different from them?

Had a dream last night.
I know dreams reflect our desires, even hidden ones.
I know what my desires are, and my dream was just saying...
yeah..I know that's what you want... but it won't happen.

First week that I stay home after several weekends of travelling.
I am feeling bored again.
Must plan some more trip for each weekend to come.

The buddha says I have to be conscious at all time, to realize what I feel when I feel it.

If I am feeling upset, I must realize it as soon as it starts and try to understand the cause. Then when I know the cause, I will be able to fix it by letting go and I won't be upset any more.

That goes for other feelings also, love, like, mad, happy, sad, jealous, or whatever.

Most of the time, I think all feelings are caused by others but actually they come from inside me. If I can learn how to take control, I'll be fine.

I must also learn that ...
To give something that I won't actually lose anything is to forgive.
To beg for something that people will never despise is to beg for forgiveness.

Hard thing to do.

I don't know why I cannot get out of these thoughts and feelings. Someone says I have to pay for what I did in the past.

There were only few things that I did and make me regret till today. Why do I have to suffer for long time?

They also say I have to pay for what I did in my previous life or lives. I think that's bull shit. If those really existed, why do I have to pay for something I don't even remember about?

If these systems in the world were created by someone or something like they said. I think she/he did a rally bad job.

Life sucks!

Plan a trip to Singapore. Seems it will be raining everyday. Plan some outdoor events, I guess indoor ones need to be considered also, just in case.

Had dinner with friends from undergrad school. How long have it been?? 12 years...but they're exactly the same. Lives have not changed much for us. Studied and studied in school, now work work work. 10 years from now, probably will be the same.

birthday yesterday.

Went to floating market, spent only an hour there.
Had lunch and bought some sweets.
Didn't like sweet but wanted to try coz they looked good.
And also tasted good...

Then went to Don Hoi Lord, sun was too strong.
Tried to go to where people were to pick those shells.
Failed. Too slipery, too deep, too far. Wouldn't make it in time.

Rain came and so heavily.

Catch a cold today and take a day off mostly coz didn't feel like going to office.

Don't know how long it has been.
Seem so long time since ...
Am I feeling better or worse?

But I know that I still love.