people get what they get
it has nothing to do with what they deserve

my plant is dying
so is my career

the company is releasing people again
if I am one of them, I'll get 7 months.

then ... what to do next?
finding new job..
travel around..

must be good time to visit korea

when one thing goes wrong,
seems everything else is going in the same way
down down down...

things can change, just like that
can't help thinking too much about it

who is it this time? probably me.
they say when one door is closed, the other will be open
just to cheer up people and give hope
nothing wrong with it but ... sound like bull shit to me

what am I doing?
drag someone else with me
probably not
will have to tell eventually, whatever will be

hurt myself, hurt somebody else...
life is not fair
but I could have been... I could be...

nobody has to lose
give it more thought, maybe will find a way
or ... just let it be, again .. convenient

meeting meeting meeting
hate it

self-training on and on
obviously bad at it
my mind is wandering

guy from west canana came
went to have japanese buffet
same funny guy
now will move to Seattle, good for him

went to a bookfair, just to chill out
walked around, found some interesting books
bought some, will spend a year or two to finish them
still work on that thick book bought from 2 years ago
from this same bookfair
over 1,000 pages, will I ever finish it?

India...have to wait
hope my luck is still around
they say he's nice, but I think ... something else

woke up one hour earlier than working day
wanted to take a public bus today
changed my mind in the last minute
motorcycle, bus, then MRT
didn't think so

2 hours from bkk

reclining buddha, second time to be there
over hundred times to be in a temple
nothing new

tried lifting the elephant statue using ring finger
supposed to wish for something
hm....wished that I could lift it with no problem
too heavey and hurt my finger

took photos at this same place
but with people this time
yeah...that's new

then 100-year-old market
also the second time to be here
nothing new

lots of food from 100 years ago which couldn't be found anywhere in bkk
till food from today which we could find anywhere in bkk
didn't enjoy the food much
not my kind of food, everything was too sweet

bought the ancient toy, the same toy I bought last time I came
bought a boxing doll, something new
still don't know what to do with them

then aquarium, first time
fishes from river, very few from the sea
interesting, always like fish
never know how they look like when alive
totoally different when on plates
fish are friends, not food

then zoo, first time
lots of tigers, lions, big ones
no doubt they can eat man
babies were so cute
saw lots of rabbits today
want to have a rabbit in my room
let it run on the floor, must be nice

came back home around 9 pm
very tired, sleepy
again, don't want to go to bed yet
will sleep all day tomorrow

had a good time today
but still prefer to stay home

assigned an urgent work
they didn't see it till due date
good that didn't have to do it alone
another guy did most of the work
just realized I didn't have any connection in thailand

sudoku seems easy but not really
I know what type of person I am
playing the game just confirms it more
play it everyday, can become addicted
already isolated from others, now even more with this game

sleepy but don't want to go to bed yet
have to wake up very early tomorrow, project event
don't wanna go....

I don't understand why
I know how but I want to understand why
he would never say anything, but why?
better to forget about it
driving me crazy sometimes

forget it, forget it, forget it
just a sob, don't bother

บ้าจริง ตื่นมาทำไมกลางดึกแล้วก็นอนไม่หลับ
สงสัยจะกินมากไป

รู้สึกแย่ๆ ไม่ชอบเลย ความรู้สึกนี้
นอนท่องพุทโธ พุทโธ สงบสติอารมณ์
พยายามไม่โกรธ ไม่เกลียด
คิดว่าโกรธคือโง่ โมโหคือบ้า
ตอนนี้ก็โง่อยู่แล้ว อย่าพยายามเพิ่มความโง่ให้ตัวเองอีก

บอกตัวเอง เป็นธรรมดาของโลก
คนมีหลายประเภท
อยากมีหูทิพย์ ฟังอะไรก็ไม่สะเทือนอารมณ์
อยากมีตาทิพย์ เห็นอะไรก็ไม่หวั่นไหว
เฮ้อ.. พูดง่าย ทำยาก

ความยุติธรรมมันไม่มีในโลกอยู่แล้ว
ทำดี ไม่จำเป็นต้องได้ดี แค่ทำดีให้ตัวเองสบายใจก็พอ
ต้องเอาชนะความคิดแย่ๆของตัวเอง
แข่งกับตัวเอง คุมตัวเอง
เพราะจะไปเปลี่ยนความเฮงซวยของคนอื่น มันเป็นไปไม่ได้อยู่แล้ว

เฮ้อ....เหนื่อยจัง
พักกาย ก็ได้ แต่ไม่มีที่พักใจ
บอกตัวเอง อย่าไว้ใจใครอีก
ชอบลืม แล้วก็มาเจ็บอีกทุกที

รักษาตัวเองต่อไป

bought some books
sudoku, math problems, and back to basic math
been long time haven't used brain much
forgetting things more

when talked about something, then it just slipped
couldn't recall what I was talking about

been this way for more than a year
get dizzy for no reason sometimes
thought it was medicine
may be it is, may be it is not

will see it a few more weeks
if not getting better, well... let it be

Had a physical checkup
almost everything is normal

Surprised my eye sight is normal
having problem reading lately

blood is ok, a little problem from not having enough sleep

really?? not enough sleep??

food in hospital is expensive

good to have coupon, didn't finish it all

had chicken in gravy on rice, mistake

crispy chicken and roasted chicken on rice would have been better

will try something else next year

on the way back, got lost as usual

lost last year, lost again this year

thought i was going the right way already

but still..

feeling hungry, nothing to eat

huh...instant noodle..again